How to Make a Big Decision Without Rushing It

A job offer with a deadline. A move to another city. Whether to end something, or start something, or stay. The decision sits in the middle of every day, and the mind returns to it again and again — listing the reasons, imagining each outcome, starting the list over.

There is often pressure, from outside or from within, to settle it quickly. The Tao Te Ching has a short passage that suggests a different approach, and then, in the next line, a limit on that approach.

Chapter 15: Muddy Water

Chapter 15 asks: "Who by quieting can gradually render muddy waters clear?" (chapter 15, Paul Carus, 1898).

Stirred water stays cloudy. It clears when it is left alone long enough for the sediment to fall. Going over a decision repeatedly can work like stirring: each pass through the pros and cons raises the same worries again, and the picture stays murky.

Quieting does not mean ignoring the decision. It means stopping the churn long enough for what matters to become visible. For some people, that happens on a walk, after a night's sleep, or a few days after the last time the list was rewritten.

The Second Line: Then Move

The chapter does not stop at stillness. The next line asks: "Who by stirring can gradually quicken the still?"

Settling is not the goal in itself. Once the water is clear, something has to move. Read together, the two lines describe a sequence: let things settle until it is possible to see, then act on what has been seen.

Earlier in the same chapter, the masters of old are described as "cautious! Like men in winter crossing a river." Someone crossing ice does not refuse to cross. They test each step before putting weight on it. In a decision, that can mean looking for small, reversible steps that show something before the large, irreversible one: a conversation, a visit, a trial period.

From the Tao

Who by quieting can gradually render muddy waters clear? — Tao Te Ching, chapter 15 (Paul Carus, 1898)

Chapter 64: Decide Before the Crisis

"What is still is easily held. What is expected is easily provided for" (chapter 64, Walter Gorn Old, 1904). The same chapter advises: "Transact your business before it takes shape."

Some decisions become harder because they are left until a deadline or a crisis forces them. Starting early — asking the questions, gathering what is needed — leaves room for the water to settle before the moment arrives.

Chapter 64 also notes that people tend to "fail on the eve of success," and that "if they were as prudent at the end as they are at the beginning, there would be no such failures." A decision is not finished when it is made. Following it through with the same care is part of making it well.

Waiting or Avoiding?

Waiting can turn into a way of not deciding. A few questions can help tell the two apart. When does this actually need to be decided — a real date, not a felt urgency? What information, if it arrived, would change the answer? Is that information on its way?

If nothing new is coming, and the decision keeps returning in the same form, the water may already be as clear as it is going to get. At that point, further waiting may add little, and the second line of chapter 15 applies.

A Small Thing to Try

Write the decision down in one sentence. Under it, write the real deadline, if there is one, and the one or two pieces of information that would change the answer.

Choose a date for deciding, before the deadline. Between now and then, gather only what was written down, and when the decision comes to mind otherwise, let it pass without rehearsing it. On the chosen date, sit with it quietly for a few minutes and notice what has become clear.